Genuine You Coaching

This month I share with you the writings of an Intuitive Eating colleague, Sheryl Canter:

“For an emotional eater, giving up dieting can be terrifying. Suddenly there are no rules. You’re responsible for your own food choices, and you’re not sure you can be trusted. You may have struggled for years with lack of control around food. You may fear that Normal Eating can’t work for you, that you don’t have the ability to choose well. You may feel that the only possible way to control what you eat is through the external strictures of a diet.

The culture at large reinforces this fear. If you tell someone you’ve decided not to diet anymore, you’re likely to be told what a dangerous mistake you’re making, how natural appetites have no natural limits, and the only way to lose excess weight is through a diet. You’ve probably been told every day of your life that you’re not competent to choose your own food.

But it’s not true! Natural limits are part of our natural instincts. You just lose touch with your natural, internal controls when you become used to looking outside yourself for guidance. As you reconnect with yourself and learn to meet your needs in authentic ways, compulsion melts away and you are able to eat normally.”  read more . . .

Sheryl is a great ally, out there helping people get off the diet roller-coaster and learn to listen to and love their bodies.

She knows, like all of us who have become Intuitive Eaters (shes uses the term “natural” eater) the freedom and power that comes from being calm and in-control around food.

The other day I was putting away groceries, moving boxes and cans around to make room for the new items and I came across a box of cookies that I had forgotten.  It had been at the back of the cabinet for at least a month.  And when I opened the freezer to put away some frozen items, I realized that the half-eaten pint of ice cream had been there a couple of weeks also!   I laughed out loud when I realized what had happened.

You see, before becoming an Intuitive Eater, I never would have forgotten about that box of cookies or let ice cream go uneaten for days.  Back then, I would rarely ever bring home cookies or ice cream.  I knew I couldn’t trust myself, that I would gobble it all in a day.  On the occasions when I did buy treats, I had to do a lot of rationalization and planning first.  How long had it been since I’d allowed myself a treat?  Were any guests expected?  That was always a good excuse to bring home goodies!  What tactics could I put in place to make sure I wouldn’t pig out?

I finally worked out a plan by which I felt justified in buying the cookies, would bring them home and put them away in the cabinet.  But they weren’t really in the cabinet – they were living inside my head!  Those cookies whispered and beckoned to me until I got them back out of the cabinet and put them in my belly.  But that didn’t shut them up either.  Now my head was full of blaming and guilt.  Why couldn’t I just eat a couple like a “normal” person!  Why did I have no self-control?

When I found that forgotten box of cookies at the back of the cabinet, those memories came rushing back and I realized that I was free.  Like the woman who looks back in gratitude at having escaped an abusive relationship, I felt ecstatic at the wondrous journey I’d made from stressed-out, guilty, ashamed, body-hating woman, to calm, trusting body-loving woman.  It was nothing short of a miracle.

What about you?  Do your cookies sit calmly in the cabinet, or do they whisper (or yell!) at you until you come and liberate them?  Does a pint of ice cream truly satisfy, or does it leave you longing for more and more and more?

Becoming an Intuitive Eater can make this difference in your life too.  It may be a journey of two steps forward and one step back, but those steps forward are worth everything.  You’ll eventually get there – to the place where you can forget you put a bag of cookies in the cabinet.

Anyone who’s dieted before can shout out the answer without even thinking about it – 3500!!

Oh really?  The Wall Street Journal recently ran an article about new studies that tear down this long-held belief.  The article gives this illustration:

I have read other authors, writing from the Intuitive Eating perspective who claim that weight loss (and weight gain) is not a simple matter of adding or subtracting calories.

A documentary aired on public television last year said that for heavier people, it takes fewer than 3500 calories to make a pounds and for thinner people, it takes more than 3500 calories to make a pound.

The more researchers find out about weight, the more apparent it becomes that the subject is far more complex than the old myths we’ve lived by for decades now.  Our bodies are miraculously efficient organisms, evolved over thousands of years to regulate its weight and to hang on to its precious stores of fat.  Trying to fight the body in order to get rid of unwanted fat is a losing proposition.

Intuitive Eating says that rather than struggling against this brilliant body of ours, we should be listening to it and nurturing it.  If you’re ready to stop fighting and start listening, if you’re ready to make peace, if you’re ready to reach and maintain your natural weight without struggle, stress or anxiety, make the decision today to become an Intuitive Eater.  Your first step?  Sign up for Total Immersion Intuitive Eating, beginning September 20.  It’s a steal at full price, but Early Bird registrations save $25!

Feel free to contact me if you want to know more about Total Immersion Intuitive Eating.

* “New Studies Eat Into Diet Math”, The Wall Street Journal, April 3,2010

I share with you today an entry from Evelyn Tribole MS. RD. (Yes, this is the same Evelyn Tribole who is co-author of the book Intuitive Eating).  She answers your questions about Intuitive Eating on her blog, Nutrition 411.
Q. I am a “complimentary” health care practitioner. It’s very popular among my colleagues to recommend intense dietary restrictions to most of our patients (such as no sugar, no dairy, no wheat). After reading Intuitive Eating, I’m concerned that in the absence of a documented condition such as celiac disease, we may be doing more harm than good as we just add to the guilt and shame our patients already feel about food. What are your thoughts?

A. I agree with your inclination. Well-meaning diet restrictions may do more harm than good, especially when you factor in mental health and wellbeing. To achieve authentic health, a person needs to be attuned and responsive to inner satiety cues and basic needs. This includes the ability to eat in a manner that is satisfying and pleasurable.

Yet the pleasure of eating has become a lost art in the USA. Instead, eating is commonly viewed as something that will kill you, cure you, or make you fat. This is where we can take a lesson in the pleasure principle from France.

An international study found that Americans worry the most about their health and enjoy eating the least. In contrast, the French are the most food-pleasure-oriented and least food-health-oriented. [1] Notably, France has nearly half the obesity rate compared to the USA, for both adults and children [2].

When food restrictions are placed on a chronic dieter, or on a person who chronically feels guilty about eating, it increases the “forbidden food” burden. Consequently, rigid food rules interfere with the individual’s ability to “hear” or be attuned to the eating experience of his or her body.

Instead, upon eating forbidden foods, there is usually a tremendous feeling of guilt, which becomes somaticized. For example, chronically dining on sugary, processed foods and meals doesn’t usually feel good physically – but this physical discomfort is equated to the emotional feeling of guilt. When morality and judgment is removed from the eating experience, a person can truly ask, “If given the same set of circumstances, would I choose to feel this way again.” Usually, the answer, is no.

Ultimately, it feels better when you eat healthy, satisfying meals, most of the time. But this needs to be experienced without judgment. If a person is truly inner-attuned, it’s possible to eat within any dietary framework such as “eating green” or eating “whole foods”, while paying attention to hunger, fullness, satisfaction and so forth.

[1]Rozin P et al (1999). Attitudes to food and the role of food in life: Comparisons of Flemish Belgium, France, Japan and the United States. Appetite,33, 163-180.

[2]International Obesity Task Force EU Platform Briefing Paper http://www.iotf.org/media/euobesity3.pdf[accessed May 12, 2010].

I live in Florida.  There is a poster on the wall at the offices of my church.  It is a photograph of Florida taken from space.  The entire peninsula looks like a sheet of tissue paper lying on the surface of the water.  It appears so fragile – the thousands of lakes and springs creating a lacy effect.

Currently there are thousands of gallons of oil making its way to the gulf shore of this unique and gorgeous land, as well as the coasts of the other states along the gulf.  We are waiting for the approach of devastation and there is little we can do about it – sort of like waiting for a hurricane, except that in the case of a hurricane, we know that we leave for a few days, come back, clean up the wreckage, and the land will recover.  Not so here.  We have no idea what will happen when the oil penetrates the salt-marshes, beaches, streams and springs.

I share with you this poem, written by Lola Haskins for her anthology about drilling which will be published in June.  This poem was written before the oil spill happened.

Have you ever heard someone say that she has “fallen off the wagon” when she is trying to say that she failed to follow the rules of her latest diet?  Isn’t that an interesting metaphor?

A wagon is a vehicle for taking you from point a to point b.  If you fall off that wagon, you’re certainly not going to get to where you’re going.

But picture this:  There is this old broken-down wagon – weeds are growing up through the broken boards.  All four wheels are flat.  There is no horse or mule in the crumbling harness.

I’ve just described the diet wagon.  Despite decades of scientific and anecdotal evidence that diets do not work, we still try to get where we want to be with a diet.  Would you actually try to climb on board something that looked like that wagon?  NO!

It’s not just that the wagon ain’t goin nowhere, but that it is actually dangerous.  The seat could collapse under you and break your leg.  You could get tetanus from a rusty nail.  There could be a rattlesnake hiding there.

Diets are the same.  It’s actually dangerous to go on a diet.  You can screw up your metabolism and create food cravings.  Losing weight to regain it (which 95% of people do) is bad for your heart.  Many full-blown eating disorders begin with dieting.

And then there is the bigger question – where is point b?  Where do you want to go ultimately? You want to be in a space where you honor your body’s hunger and satiety signals.  You deal with your emotions in ways other than eating.  You have more sources of comfort and pleasure in your life than just ice cream or french fries.  You have no guilt, stress or anxiety about food or about your body.

Jump on the Intuitive Eating wagon.  It served humankind for thousands of years before someone dreamed up the first weight-loss diet.  You’ll have hills and valleys on your journey, but you’ll always be moving forward towards peace.

How about it?  All Aboard!!!

My dentist sent me a questionnaire to find out if I am a good candidate for “cosmetic dentistry.”  There were several “yes” or “no” questions such as

• Do you look at magazines and wish you had a smile as pretty as the model’s smile?
• Are you embarrassed about smiling in front of people?
• When you look at your smile in the mirror, do you see a minor defect in your gums or in any of your teeth?”

There were a total of 15 questions, some of them pointing out “flaws” that I didn’t know I had!  Did I want my teeth to be longer or shorter?  Wider or narrower? Are they too square or too round?  Do I show too much or too little gum tissue when I smile?  I wonder how many people read this questionnaire and come away feeling terrible about a smile they had never questioned before?  But then that’s the point, isn’t it?

My medical doctor spends his Tuesdays at a spa giving Botox injections.There are signs around the office encouraging us to ask about treatments to “reduce visible veins.”

It wasn’t enough that the advertisers in magazines, tv and newspapers are constantly pointing out our “flaws” and encouraging us to buy their product to “fix” them, now our medical professionals are on the bandwagon.

I think of the Emmy Lou Harris song lyric -

Too many pretty faces all skin deep
Now is there anyone left with teeth just a little uneven?

The next time some advertisement (or your medical professional) tells you that you should be ashamed of some aspect of your appearance, ask yourself why?  Shame should be reserved for those times when we do something really shameful – like hurting someone.

Actually, these “flawed” messages could be used as a tremendous stepping stone towards a more peaceful life.  It’s the perfect opportunity to practice letting go of judgments!  The next time you find yourself thinking something judgmental about your appearance, or anyone else’s, take a deep breath and examine where that judgment is coming from.  Does this aspect of yourself that you are criticizing make you any less valuable as a person?  Does it cause harm to anyone?

And if anyone else is actually judging you (and they are probably not!), you are simply offering them a chance to examine their own judgments.

There are certainly things that each of us can do to improve ourselves.  But make sure those things are worthy of your precious time, energy and money, and not just a reaction to the beauty industry’s efforts to make us feel bad about our uniqueness.

And does anyone know the name of a good dentist who isn’t interested in making me feel like crap about my smile?  I’m in the market for a new one!

Even though there are more new diets every day, people are wising up to the idea that diets don’t work. Weight Watchers is claiming that they are not a diet and other weight loss methods are trying to distance themselves from that tainted word “diet” as well. Now you hear people talking about “portion control” or “sensible eating.” The sexy new phrase these days is “lifestyle change.” You may have heard someone say, “I’m not dieting anymore. Diets don’t work. No, I’m creating a lifestyle change.”

I agree whole-heartedly that diets don’t work. But I find that most of the “lifestyle changes” “portion control” and “sensible eating” that people are adopting are simply diets called by another name. Often, what is meant by “lifestyle change” is “you’re going to be on this diet for the rest of your life.”

How do you know if your lifestyle change is simply a diet in disguise? Here’s a quick checklist: Does it

* ask you to give up or avoid certain foods?
* incorporate rules that dictate when, what and how much you should eat?
* involve scheduled exercise programs?
* assume that your body is not acceptable as it is now?
* measure your progress on the bathroom scale?

If you can say yes to even one of these, you have a diet on your hands, not a lifestyle change. The chances of you sticking with this program are equal to the chances of you sticking to the many diets you’ve begun and ended in frustration.

But lifestyle changes can be positive things, as long as it’s not just a diet in disguise. Try this on for a lifestyle change -

The first change I am going to make is that I am no longer going to criticize my body. I am going to express gratitude for all the wonderful things it does for me. This is going to make a tremendous impact on my lifestyle!

Because I now respect my body, I am going to listen to it and feed it when it is hungry. Because I now respect my body, I will provide it the highest quality, freshest, most nourishing food.

When my body is satisfied, I am going to stop eating. Continuing to stuff food into my body when it is already full isn’t loving or respectful. I don’t feel good when I do that.

I will feel my emotions. When I am sad, bored or angry, I will not reach for a bag of cookies. I will sit with the emotion until I can figure out what it is I really need. I am willing to give myself what I really need.

I will relish the experience of going out to play. I will ride my bike, take a walk, plant a garden or go dancing. Mindless, repetitive exercise is no longer on my agenda.

Now THAT’S a lifestyle change. It comes from a fundamental shift in thinking and being in the world. From that fundamental shift, behaviors change. But the thinking has to change first. Trying to change behaviors while still operating under the same old diet mentality is a recipe for failure.

Here’s wishing you a 2010 filled with nurturing lifestyle!

New Year’s resolutions are just a joke for most of us.  We’ve made – and broken – so many that we resort to making a joke of it to keep from crying!  But it is possible to make a resolution that will make a positive change in your life – and is one you will keep.

The first step is to find a resolution you want to make rather than one you think you ought to make.  Most of the common resolutions – lose weight, exercise more, stop smoking, are things that we’ve been told that we should do.  If the resolution is not in alignment with your own deepest desires, it is doomed to fail.

As a Wellness Life Coach, one of the first things I do with a new client is to help her get really clear about what she wants.  She may come to me saying that she wants to lose 35 pounds and spend at least 30 minute a day on her treadmill, but soon it becomes clear that what she really wants is to end an abusive relationship, or finish her degree, or find her life’s purpose.  In the process of reaching her heart’s desire, she may find that she is more interested in taking care of her body, but taking care of her heart must come first.

How can you tell if your resolution is from the heart?  Here is one process that can help:
Take a sheet of paper and draw a big plus sign on it, dividing the paper into four quadrants.  Across the top of the page, write your resolution, for example “I will stick to my diet.”  Now, write “Current Pain” in the upper left quadrant.  In this section of the paper, list everything that pains you about the current situation.  You may list things like: “I look disgusting,”  ”there are no nice clothes in my size,” “my spouse hassles me about my weight,” “I will die young,” etc.  Now, in the bottom right quadrant, write “Future Gain” and list all the benefits of reaching your goal.  You might say things like: “I will feel beautiful,” “I can wear great clothes,” “my spouse will love me,” “I will be healthy.”  You notice that the Future Gains are pretty much the opposite of the Current Pains.  When we think about changing something in our life, we think about what we hate about how life is now and how wonderful life is going to be when this thing changes.  But that isn’t the whole picture.

To understand if you want to change something, you have to look at the other two quadrants on this paper.  In the upper right quadrant write “Current Gain.”  How does it benefit you to not change your life?  In the bottom left quadrant, write “Future Pain” and list everything it will cost you to make this happen.  These are often harder to find, but once you get started, they will come pouring out.  The listings in these two quadrants will often reveal what your heart really wants.  Maybe what you really want is to make peace with your body.  A new adventure in self-love and learning to eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re satisfied and deal with emotions in ways other than eating, is a much more positive resolution than to put yourself on another diet.  That is a resolution that you can keep, because it is nurturing, not punitive.

One definition of insanity is “doing the same things while expecting different results.”  So this year, don’t do the same thing.  Do something different and get positive results!

I was huddled over my cup of hot tea in a coffee shop in Portland OR.  Outside, the weather was cold, wet and windy.

At the table next to me, a woman was telling a friend how frustrated she was with her teenage daughter.  “She refuses to wear a coat!  She says it makes her look fat.  I tell her she’s not fat, but I can’t convince her.”  The other woman said her daughter does the same thing.  I related the story to a friend and she said, “That’s my daughter too.”

This same argument goes on all over this country:
“I look fat in these jeans.”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do.”
“No you don’t.”
“Yes I do.”

Everyone ends up frustrated and stuck.  So let’s shake things up a little bit.  The next time someone baits you into this fruitless argument, try this response:

“Wearing a coat makes me look fat.”
“So what’s wrong with looking fat?”
“WHAT!?  You can’t be serious!  It’s gross!”
“Oh, yeah?  Says who?”
“Says everybody!”
“Sometimes “everybody” is wrong.”

You may not change her mind, but you are shifting the conversation to one that has real merit and asks the person to look at things in a different way.  The conversation might go on to talk about what characteristics are truly valuable in people. You might mention beautiful people who are larger than the cultural ideal.  You might talk about beloved grandmothers, aunts, teachers, that are larger than the cultural ideal.

You may not change a teenager’s mind about being thin in one conversation, but to open up the possibility that sizes other than rail-thin could be acceptable, is a huge paradigm shift – AND it gets you out of the argument you can’t win!

Much holiday happiness to all of you, my dear readers!